Another Birthday

I initially conceived this piece a full year before it was completed. I was looking at another birthday and was confronted with a rackful of magazines trying to tell me about my birthday horoscope when I was also struggling with the concept of all the things that supposedly define me that most emphatically are not actually me. The piece is a mixed media assemblage comprised of three individual pieces. I start with a devotional candle around which is wrapped a “Prayer for Happiness” consisting of if then statements as follows:

if i lost 25 lbs, then i would be happy. if i got out of debt, then i would be happy. if i had a bigger home, then i would be happy. if i had better job security, then i would be happy. if i just didn’t have to worry about $$, then i would be happy. if i could fix my skin, then i would be happy. if i knew what i was doing with my life, then i would be happy. if i could buy a house, then i would be happy. if i could just get organized, then i would be happy. if i could break all my bad habits, then i would be happy. if i got in shape, then i would be happy. if i could make $$ doing what i really love, then i would be happy. if i knew what i really loved to do, then i would be happy. i have already climbed the great wall. anything should be possible to me. but i am not happy. now i am trying to make 1,000 paper cranes. if i can make them all, then i will be happy . . .

Next I turn to the mirror where I have a conversation that consists of me telling my reflection all the bad things I see and my reflection reminding me that according to the Bible, God made man and woman in His image and He made us well.

Finally, I triumphantly reject all that I am not in a mixed media collage with magazine clippings, cosmetics and all sorts of stuff.

I am not my job, my dress size, my height, my gender, my genetic make-up, my age, my zodiac sign, my IQ, my bra size, my hair color, my skin color, my sexuality, my failures or my successes, my decisions or choices, my car, my zip code, my interests, my history, my hopes and fears, what I eat, “damaged goods,” a stereotype, my hormonal system, my marital status, body type, my moods.

2006-2007

Trapped

A lot of times, the things I make for myself are a way for me to work through the less positive emotions, such as a feeling of being trapped, in this case by a combination of my biology and my financial status. I like to think, however, that this is actually a piece about liberation rather than entrapment, after all, the credit cards have been cut up… Circa 2006

The Dark Side of Sex

This was another card I made for myself. It’s a tad bitter, I realize, but I was realizing (once again) just how sex can severely alter my sense of the reality of a situation, hence, the dark side. I was also thinking about how when you remove emotion from sex, all that is left are the seemy and all-too-physical paraphernalia associated with sex–the lace stockings, the condoms, the birth control pills. This is sort of my rejection of the physicality of sex in hopes of finding something a little more uplifting.  Circa 2006